English people DO love property shows!
Why do the English like property shows?
The English national lust for property shows is an intriguing lust indeed, one which is often explained by the English person’s latent desire to leave this God forsaken island. The voyeuristic nature of modern “plugged-in” societies is another common explanation. Or perhaps the English just get off on watching strangers engage in mildly disparaging yet good-natured banter. No, there is a much simpler reason why the English like property shows, and it can be summed up in one word: masochism.
English people simply love to suffer. Self-inflicted is best. From wartime rationing of ice cream to unmixed taps on bathroom sinks, England’s modern history is littered with examples of things that could be so much better. Let’s have a quick look how England’s sadist compulsions manifest in popular property shows.
- Grand Designs - You’ll never, ever live in a castle in Tuscany, so your next best bet is a probably this plastic pod in Peckham.
- A Place in the Sun - You too can can make the Costa de Sol your official toilet bowl with your very own leather smoke-den i.e. house.
- Escape to the Country - You’re taking the piss, right? For the majority of the English, they call it the “county home” as that’s the only barn they can afford.
- Property Ladder - The dream of every English person is to get on that ladder. Too bad you’ll probably break your neck on the fall down.
- Location, Location, Location - Get shown three houses in two days by two posh idiots who sport ridiculously stroppy accents.
- Relocation, Relocation - What’s that? Didn’t get the house you wanted with the Snooty McUppity twins above? Have them relocate your ass to some place worse.
Beyond masochism, property shows serve to validate the Protestant work ethic preeminent amongst the English. These shows help justify the £6,000,000 bonuses awarded to bankers, who, incidentally, are the only people who actually buy property (especially in London). But more likely, property shows remind the English of what they will never have. Even the dinkiest 2-bed abode in zone 7 will run you about £300k, and that’s without garden and mixed taps.
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So funny, so true.
